The Rules from the retreat are on the previous post.
I committed to 7 days at the retreat. For the first 4 days I did not speak one word. In total I probably spoke less than 100 sentences. I ate two small meals a day. I was up by 4:00AM and in bed by 9:00 PM every night. I did sitting meditation anywhere from six to 10 hours a day. My shortest session (one session means staying concentrated and not moving) was less than 10 seconds, my longest was 1 hour and 25 minutes.
I'm not too sure if there are words to describe all the things that goes through ones head when one meditates. It was the first time I had ever tried meditating and I had nothing to compare it to. This will probably sound really weird but I will let you know some of the things that happened to me. Some times I did things wrong which lead to self-hypnosis, I think that helps explain a lot of my feelings. Others It was to hard to get concentration and I would give up. And sometimes, I think I did it right.
Anyways here is my experience, maybe you can try it for yourself.
"Meditation is the action of silence."
Its really unbelievable how strong ones mind is. Just try it and you will see. When you are wide awake, sit down, shut your eyes, and watch what happens. Our mind is like a television and sometimes one really has to wonder who is really controlling our thoughts.
"Meditation is freedom from thought".
When I first started I was letting my mind run and having some very interesting 'mind dreams'. I would go on adventures in my mind. I would see and listen to people that I have never in my real life seen or heard before. At this time my breathing was coming in tiny whiffs, I think I was cutting of blood circulation to my whole body which causes some strange things to happen. Sometime my body would begin to rock or tremble uncontrollably. Sometimes I would have huge bursts energy that would make my whole body quiver. Sometimes I would shiver with a cold feeling or would sweat with heat that seemed to overcome me. This was all in the first day.The 2nd day I was trying to concentrate which can be really boring. I found myself nodding off or just unable to keep concentrating,which would then cause a lot of frustration.
By the 3rd day things memories that I hadn't thought of for years were starting to invade my thoughts and dreams. Memories of people and events of my past would burst through any wall of concentration I had developed. At night I would think of people who I hadn't seen for 15 years. Throughout the day I was consistently in different frames of minds. Sometimes it would change it just minutes. From extremely happy to peaceful to scared to sad to angry to frustrated and then back to happy. I never thought that I was going nuts but a lot of things just came from memories of the past.
On the 4th day I was starting to miss life. I missed smiles and laughter. The only person I had to joke with was myself, and I will say I did crack myself up quiet a few times. I missed socializing with people. I had slept in a bed next to another guy for 4 days and we hadn't said a word to each other. My meditation practice was deepening. I could spend a longer time in deep concentration and although my mind inside was opening up, my life outside felt like it was closing in around me. I started to notice all the nasty steel bars that were on the windows of every room I ate or slept or meditated in. I would look at the huge gate that guarded the compound in envy. I was starting to feel like I was in jail.
On the 5th day I had an amazing experience. A feeling that in my whole life has never occurred. I had been meditating for only 15 minutes when it hit me. To put it in words would be impossible but it was definitely out of body. Not like a meeting with the Divine but just like I was higher than Id ever been at one second, and tinier than Ive ever been at the next.
This inspired my practice and by the 6th day I was doing sitting that lasted longer than an hour.
By the 7th day the end was near and I could feel it. I lost most of my concentrating abilities and started contemplating where I would go next.
"Meditation is really a penetration into the unknown and so the known, the memory, the experience, the knowledge which one has acquired during life must end. "
In the end I made a definite distinction between the self, the mind, and the body. When you spend so much time thinking about it you can really see that there is something else going on our mind, I have yet to conclude exactly what it is.
I am extremely happy that I did the retreat. I don't know if i would do it again, especially with a Burmese temple. I learned a lot about Buddhism. Most importantly that it is just as strict and restricted as other religions I've studied.
If anyone is interested in learning more please check this website
http://www.dharma.org/
Or if you have any questions feel free to ask.
"A mind that is aware, that observes what is in itself is self-understanding, self-knowing."
All of the quotes are by Jiddu Krishnamurti
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